Song of the Moment

J. Cole - Lost Ones

Friday, July 15, 2011

B Side Presents, "Friday Gut Check - Back It On Up"

So it's another one of those days. Where the events of this week, prompted me to run a Friday commentary type piece. This week I took a peek into the world of Selena Gomez, and was surprisingly not turned away with disgust. Hooray her. But what I did have a distaste for was the name of her backup band - 'The Scene'. What a terrible name. I mean, I picture a bad car accident or when the drunk guy at the bar makes a fool of himself at the end of the night. Plus I have an issue in general with already pluralized names for anything. Like the 'Thunder' in Oklahoma City in the NBA. When you get asked who you play for - do you respond with, "I'm a Thunder!" That just seems silly.

So here we stand with my top 5 worst backup band names ever. I'll give a brief description why and note that this is off the top of my head. So there are probably a bunch of other bad ones - but I just forgot.

5. The Jordanaires - Elvis Presley. My father had an old album that was a gospel record by Elvis Presley and the Jordanaires. I recall thinking when I was a little kid how dumb of a name that was. Turns out the name comes from the Jordan River in Springfield, Missouri - but still. Are you that uncreative? You were sitting outside one day thinking of names, you took one peek over at the river and thought that was the way to go? Well, it wasn't.

4. The New Power Generation - Prince. If we were making the list of best names ever - the Revolution would be on it. That's just a cool name for a band. But the New Power Generation? They took over in 1990 or so when Pepsi was starting the taste of a new generation. And Gen X and extreme and all that was becoming cool. So I kind of understand why they chose this - but it's still so awful by comparison. How about you and your crew versus me and the Revolution? Yeah, way better.

3. The Funky Bunch - Marky Mark. Haha. Do I even need to write anything here? Is there anyone who respected the band period - let alone their name? I can't imagine so. Vibrations good like Sunkist. I really wanna know who done this. Yeah, that really happened.

2. The Band - Bob Dylan. So this one is kind of misleading, and I'm probably the only who knows about it. This is the same 'The Band' that was honestly a pretty good band back in the day. The did the track 'The Weight' which is a song I really love. But before all of that, they were the backups for Mr. Bobby Dylan. In which, you're coming up with names for your band - and you pick, The Band? Really? That's the best you could do? It's about as unoriginal as calling you Bob Dylan and the Dylans.

1. Miami Sound Machine - Gloria Estefan. Here we are, numero uno. Was there any doubt? The Miami Sound Machine. It sounds like a cheesy eighties stereo unit that you could have bought on QVC or Home Shopping Network for 3 easy payments of 19.99. Wait, order now and you get TWO Miami Sound Machines for the price of ONE! What a deal! Order your Miami Sound Machine today and we'll throw in a knife that cuts through a lead pipe! I respect Gloria, but I don't respect the name of the band, or Emilio Estevez. Yeah, take that.

That was my five. I'm sure there are more awful names out there and more to come someday. Now I gotta run, I've got a date to hang out with the Scene.


  1. I'd like to add "The Rippers"... you know, Jesse and the...
    There are only a couple things that I know that rip and a backup band isn't one of them! :) (Actually, that's the only one I could think of offhand. Pathetic, I know!)

  2. Hahaha...I didn't factor in fictional bands! That might add a whole new dimension to the argument! Good one!

    True. And I'm not sure I've ever heard someone who's really good at guitar or something a ripper. Like, "man, that guys just rips up that guitar". I blame John Stamos. He just seems like a bad person.

  3. oh, the funky bunch. ok worse: the funky bunch or color me badd? granted color me badd wasn't a back up band, but still. the lyrics to 'good vibrations' are just hilarious when typed. and the song isn't on. or is on. either. i just lol'd in here.

    i did not know that the band backed bob dylan, but i also don't care for dylan.

    im trying to think of terrible backing bands but can only think of good ones - like the E street band and full force/cult jam. or the dominoes - like derek and the dominoes - but i don't know that they technically count as a backing band, do they?

    game, blouses.

  4. The funky bunch. How awful. And that song sucks. I don't know why people liked it even back in the day.

    Dylan is don't know what you're missing.

    Sure. The Dominoes backed Clapton or whoever they considered the lead to be.

    You guys want some pancakes?