Song of the Moment

J. Cole - Lost Ones

Friday, November 5, 2010

B Side Presents, "Friday Gut Check - Shove Dollars In Your Ears"

It was asked of me recently to run through some of my least favorite albums ever. And at first, I thought - oh, okay. That'll be easy right? So turns out - there is a TON of really bad music out there. I'm not even talking about music that I don't particularly groove on - I'm talking about bands that I love, that missed a step with an album or two. For example, I love STP - you couldn't pay me to listen to Shangri-Ladi-Da. It's bad. Real bad.

So to make this list more fair, more appropriate - I've decided to document the worst 'best selling' albums of all time. The criteria for me is, these albums had to have sold more than 20 million copies worldwide. Yeah, that's 2-0 and then MILLION. And you're thinking - jeez B Side, how can a record sell that many copies and be bad? Wait and see my friend, wait and see. Now of course, these artists couldn't care less, as like my title indicates they'll just count the money. I've learned, that if I'm busy counting hundred dollar bills, the rest of the world is tuned out.

So here they are, in order in which they sold - least sales to most.

5. Billy Ray Cyrus - Some Gave All: You might notice that a lot of these albums coming forth are big time sellers due to one track. This record might be the definition of one hit wonder. Achy Breaky Heart, not a great song, very iconic. This album sold 20 million, right on the threshold. This album is bad. He covers 'These Boots Are Made For Walkin'. Seriously? That's a great song done by a woman - made for women. Stay out of it Billy. Please, don't listen to this!

4. Ace Of Base - Happy Nation/The Sign: So these albums are really the same thing. Labeled different sold the same, blah blah blah. Either way, it sold 23 million copies. Sit back and really listen to Ace of Base. Go ahead, I'll wait. ..... ..... Yeah, that's what I thought.

3. Santana - Supernatural: Okay, I love Santana. Top 5 best guitar men of all time. This album though - big time miss. 27 million copies. Huh, how strange. I must have heard Rob Thomas's 'Smooth' about 27 million times too. Oh, what's that? I also heard "Maria Maria" 24 million times? Oh wait, both songs are bad? I see a recipe for disaster here. If you can still tolerate this record, kudos.

2. Bee Gees - Spirits Having Flown: Yeah, no one really likes the Bee Gees. Contrary to what Wayne had to say in Waynes World. You might be lead to believe 'Stayin' Alive' or a huge single was on this album - nope. Just 10 tracks of basic garbage. Oh, and a grown man singing in way to high of a key. That didn't stop it from selling a ghastly 30 million.

1. Celine Dion - Falling Into You: Was there ever any real doubt? I mean, who ACTUALLY enjoys listening to her? I'll give you the 'Titanic' song. Even if you really hate that song but love the movie - fine. I'll give you that one track. The music, the cover art - it all makes me want to barf. 31 MILLION copies. This dropped in 1996 - and let's say conservatively this was 10 bucks. Almost a billion dollars??? Are you kidding me? I'm going to fly to Vegas, ask her to borrow a few million - she can spare it. WAIT!! She also covers ALL BY MYSELF! What a joke!

As always B Siders, let me know what I missed! I know this is a really broad spectrum - so even if you have a terrible album that didn't sell, let's hear it. I'll do that list sometime too!


  1. I got this....I decided to go with albums that at least went platinum, and these are my top 3 of the bottoms

    1. Autobiography- Ashley Simpson
    2. Human Clay - Creed
    3. Any album by NIckelback that went platinum

  2. I'll whole heartedly agree on Ashley Simpson. Although I don't think I've listened to the whole thing, what I've heard I can't stand.

    You and I both know I enjoy Creed. You could have gone with 'Weathered' or 'Full Circle' and I'd have totally agreed on those too.

    Nickelback sucks. Great call.

  3. Creed=Nickelback. Scott Stapp is as douchey as they come.

  4. NO WAY!

    Nickelback's music just blows. Stapp is certainly a douche - I'll give you that. But the 'My Own Prison' album is really good.

  5. ya killed me putting Celine Dion on there. Ha but I see what you mean anyway.

  6. the best thing about celine dion? the parody ana gasteyer used to do on SNL. certainly not that cover of ACDC she did on whatever that special was. see? so bad i forgot the specifics of it.

    and, didn't mrs. ray cyrus just have an affair with brett michaels?

    supernatural isn't my favorite album, but i don't think it was as bad as you make it out to be.

    and also, i am going to listen to 'night fever' now. because i can't talk about the beegees without wanting to hear that song.

  7. and also, i lol'd at shangri la de da. ha!

  8. Ashley, do you really like Dion that much - or are you giving me the business? Hard to tell.

    I just don't think she is as great as she thinks she is. None of her songs are as deep as you're led to believe.

  9. The SNL thing was great. Awesome impression.

    No idea. Can't say I follow the musings of has beens. OHHH SNAP.

    It's just ungood. Those two songs are STILL overplayed to this day. I turn on Charlie and hear Smooth every other day. Plus, it was ALWAYS on at Cousins and it drove me nuts.

    The Beegees simply aren't that good. Couple decent tracks here and there - nothing more.

    Shangri ladi garbage.