Song of the Moment

J. Cole - Lost Ones

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite

Hey New Music Tuesday is back - with a vengeance? It must be revenge against me for not enjoying pop music. Because lately folks, the New Music Tuesday reviews have been pretty weak. Let's be honest. It used to be that every Tuesday there was something fun and exciting to look forward to - but lately, it's been nonsense like this. Maybe I'm wrong, but does anyone know anything by Kylie except, "Na na na, na na na-na na"? I don't think so. I know I don't. Aside of that, I don't at all understand who is listening to this. It's pop music by a really old lady (42 years old). It's not like Bieber or Spears who the teen girls can listen to either A. Want to date B. Want to be like - so what's the appeal? The music is NOT good at all, and the idolization really can't be there. So, this lady was an Australian child actress and she put out her first record in 1988!!! NINETEEN EIGHTYEIGHT! Think about that. Her first record came out before the crowd she is attempting to appeal to were born! That's plain nuts! Her music always sells more copies in Australia than in the US - with the only platinum record coming with that one big hit back in '01. For perspective, that record went a respectable platinum here in the states, but a ludicrous 7x platinum down under. Looking around, the critical response for this has thus far been pretty positive. Who reviews this crap? Did someone who is also mid 40's review this and think, "Wow, she's amazing. I remember her first album when I was in college!" Who cares? I can't think of a more irrelevant artist on the planet right now off the top of my head. It's not that the music is worse than the awful reviews I've done so far, it's that it's nonsense. No one will listen to this record, so it's almost like it doesn't exist. I'm going to surprise you with the final rating. Enjoy B Siders and Happy Mon --er, Tuesday!

1. All the Lovers
2. Get Outta My Way
3. Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)
4. Closer
5. Everything is Beautiful
6. Aphrodite
7. Illusion
8. Better Than Today
9. Too Much
10. Cupid Boy
11. Looking For an Angel
12. Can't Beat the Feeling

Listen To Samples

Top 3 Tracks:
1. All The Lovers
2. Aphrodite
3. Can't Beat The Feeling

0 out of 5 stars

Because see, it doesn't really exist!


  1. austin. now. i haven't listened to this album, but i fail to believe that kylie minogue is worse WORSE than justin bieber and AND KE-DOLLARSIGN-HA. it is not possible. NOT POSSIBLE! ok wait - the only thing worse than kesha is millionaires. review some of that shit sometime. i predict it gets negative stars.

    just because you won't listen to an album doesn't mean someone else won't. i think your 0 star rating is invalid, particularly if you gave ke-dollarsign-ha a .25, which is probably the worst album of the last ten years.

    i maintain that not all pop artists are putting out music for the teens these days. 20 or 30 years ago, i would have said yes. but as their initial fan base ages, i maintain that musicians would at least on some level try to appeal to those same fans AND the younger ones. there's a reason you have three generations of the same family going to metallica and iron maiden shows (different genre entirely, but i feel my point is valid).

    and 'fever' is a great album. i have it. it's a great pop/dance album. would i put it up there with 'cowboys from hell?' or anything by daft punk? hell no. but it's great for what it is. 'love at first sight' from fever is probably in my top five favorite songs to play when i am in a ridiculously good bouncy mood for no reason. (quite a category, no?) i have the more recent 'X' album but i don't like it as much.

    plus, as a non-musical bonus, kylie minogue has frequently and pretty recently been said to have one of the best derrieres out there. and i read it on the tool band website so it must be true. AND she's a cancer survivor. so dude, give her some credit.

  2. PERFECT!! Exactly the type of response I was hoping to generate!

    It has nothing to do with me not listening to the record. My point is, who will? Regardless of your analogy of old metal acts, who is going to listen to this? It's clear by sales that her albums have NEVER been popular in the states - so it's not like she has this cult following like BNL where she's going to have at least 500k fall off the shelves in a month. Listening to this versus the recent Bieber or even Ke$ha, it has a totally different sound and isn't talking about the same stuff lyrically. Clearly what is 'hot' right now and selling is bubblegum pop in the form of those artists. There are a couple artists that make pop that aren't that way, but I don't think they sell as much (with the exception of Gaga).

    Pop music has certainly expanded. The new STP record is considered pop by many a follower. Problem is, in the general sense of that word, STP doesn't have a 'pop' following. Sure, if you could analyze every person who bought that album so far, I'm sure a couple people heard a song on a pop station and went out and picked it up. But I'm guessing most people were fans of theirs in the '90s (yours truly) and wanted to see if they still had it. Similar to your Metallica argument. Sure, there are spans of generations at their shows. No doubt. But how many Bieber fans are there? How many people heard a Death Magnetic tune on the radio and thought, "wow, I'm going to hit this show having not heard anything else by this artist".

    Nice story about her surviving cancer. Like to hear that. Not sure about her butt, haven't really seen it.

    Point is, it's the tree falling in the woods adage. If Kylie makes an album, and no one cares enough to listen - does it really exist.

    0 out of 5 stars